It started out with the telegraph then the telephone and we
all became wired up then un-wired. Then an unknown Eople (see my earlier blog post -The washing of the Spears); came up with the
infamous
Beeper or
Pager a wireless thing that you could walk around with. You
know of it, the little box that clips to your belt that will beep loudly and
display the phone number of the person that called you. You could silence it
and instead of beeping it would make an obscene buzzing noise and if it was on
a table it would vibrate itself right onto the floor. Unfortunately they rarely
broke when they hit the floor. It wasn't the first wireless device -long before
beepers there were handheld two way radios called
Walky Talkies, what a stupid name. But mostly those were used for
military purposes to say, call in an airstrike but very few civilians had a
Walky Talky. The beeper of course, was used mainly by
doctors on call and by business men -yeah right, drug dealers did a lot of
business using a beeper. I must admit that I got a beeper myself since I have clan responsibilities but no one hardly ever beeped me. Also pay phones had to be widely available for a beeper to be of practical use and
pay phones have by and large disappeared.
Then came the
Cell Phone, the devil’s own tool. In the early days only a few
Eoples had a cell phone. I guess the first words ever uttered over a cell phone
were not ‘Watson come here, I need you.’
More likely it was, 'Fred where the hell are you, come home now!’ You see
Cell Phones will intrude on you wherever you are, whatever you're doing and whenever you wish to be left alone. And if you don't answer it? Someone will leave you a message, sometimes
multiple messages -oh what a pain.
I still prefer to write of course.
I am writing this letter to an Eople right now. I take pleasure in writing with
an ink quill pen on wood fiber paper. I am not the only one.
The other day I received a letter in the mail from right across the street from a fellow low brow. His letter had a Chinese post mark on it and it took a glorious eight months
to reach me. But I digress, the reason I got a Beeper was because I lead a clan
of the old ones, Neo Neanderthals or low brows. I am compelled to write this
letter now as a warning that concerns the Smart Phones that you Eoples now use. It’s bad enough that you text while driving
and Twitter your little heads off and take unwanted photographs that blatantly
invade the privacy of others; but now you want to surf the web and do online
banking right from your hand held Smart Phones.
But I know what your real aims are.
You have placed chips inside of these so called Smart Phones that will identify us as Neanderthals! You are keeping track of us, spying on us and plotting against us.
Right now, I
am shaking in fury and my coarse hair is standing on end -GODS OF THUNDER, GODS OF OUR FOREFATHERS, THE EOPLES HAVE
GONE TOO FAR!!!! I your clan leader once again declare
WAR on the evil Eoples. CALL TO ARMS!!!!!!!!!! Meet me tonight at Pride Rock and bring plenty
of spears along and our new secret weapon -the Owls. We will call in our owls -as our own airstrike, to
swoop down on unsuspecting tweeters
and snatch their cell phones right out of their soft itchy fingers. We will work
ourselves up into a blood frenzy -that won't stop until we hunt every Eople down. And
since they -with their big fat brain pans, think they're so smart; we'll aim our spears directly for their fat heads. That’s right, their brains will ooze out like wine
which we will drink in as a cold revenge offering. Then once we emerge victorious from the hunt, we will gather together at dawn to wash our spears.
Oh yes, we will have a boisterously good time whacking our spears together and swapping spit. And then our spears will receive a good brain
washing -until the next time they will be needed.
