The Toss Up (Bridal Bouquet Mystery Solved)

This falls under the category of things you didn’t know happened at your own wedding. I never knew the events described here until thirty-three year later, while my wife and I were looking through our wedding album.

In the above photo, with raised hands the young ladies expectantly await the wedding bouquet toss; but who would be the lucky girl to catch it? I never knew that my wife’s cousin in the purple dress secretly told her to, ‘throw the bouquet to me!’ So my wife said, ‘okay stand close to me’ and when the time came she threw it right to her. Did her cousin catch it? Oh yes she did, see the next photo. I was surprised and delighted to hear about their little conspiracy after all of these years. This just goes to show you that sometimes, you have to create your own luck. Or as Michael Jackson said more eloquently in his song The Way You Make Me Feel: "Hee-Hee! Ooh! Go On Girl!" 

Run To Glory

The French Foreign Legion

In some places in the world when a man loses his home, his family and his faith he could put some distance between himself and his problems -by running  off and joining the French Foreign Legion (Légion étrangѐre).  He might find himself in a lonely desert outpost far away from home perhaps never to return.  Wearing his Kepi blanc hat with neck cover and holding his carbine in hand he would experience both intense boredom and unimaginable fear mixed with excitement as he learns to fight fierce foes and win, or die. In the Foreign Legion discipline and Esprit the Corp are everything.  You even give up your name and will have to learn to speak and sing in French. By serving you can even become a French citizen. They have a saying; “Français par le sang versé,” which means you're eligible for French citizenship if you bleed for France.

Here in the US men who flee from their problems usually don’t become Soldiers of Fortune in the Foreign Legion.  Some American men do become contractors or mercenaries for the money.  Allot of money that they might kill or die for.  But no kepi blanc hat! Too bad, it keeps the head cool and looks cool; but it comes at a very high price -es-tu prét?

(Check out the Légion étrangѐre here)

"Let Them Eat Cake" and other tragic faux pas

Did Marie Antoinette really say “Let them eat cake,” before promptly getting her head chopped off on a guillotine by angry, starving French peasants?  And did Captain Edward Smith of the Titanic ever make the claim that his ship was “Unsinkable,” before it sank like a rock into the North Atlantic?

After fact checking these legendary faux pas; I could not confirm that Marie Antoinette ever said "Let them eat cake," but I did find out what her nickname was. It’s Marietta and it's spelled exactly like the city near Atlanta Georgia.

As for Captain Smith, I could not verify that he ever used those exact words that his ship was "Unsinkable!" But there are some witness accounts that he went down with his ship.

But what else do these two well known historical figures have in common besides both meeting with tragic ends? Perhaps they failed to understand something very important and this failure to 'get it' or by being misunderstood if not misquoted; led to people changing their perceptions of them -from adoration to condemnation. That ever happen to you?

Unfortunately I too have said some embarrassing things  that I wish I hadn't said. Like the time I made the faux pas of asking a woman if she were pregnant because her belly was large and she replied, "No I'm not pregnant!" Uh-oh, right then I felt like a part of my own anatomy was in danger of being kicked.  But instead she was gracious with me and I lived to tell about it.  But I will never, ever ask that dumb question again! I just keep learning. I'm getting better all the time at keeping my mouth shut when it should be.

Inclement Weather

When you screw up royally by getting addicted to something that's bad for you, you’re heading into a perfect storm. Illicit sex, drugs, alcohol, nicotine and the like will become a violent wind at your back, a downpour of rain that will drown you and give you a life that is colder than ice. You should pray when this happens, because you won't get out by yourself. Your self is what got you into this mess, so you will need help outside of yourself to get out. So start with a prayer asking for Him for faith! God always answers that prayer. Add to your prayer a request for humility, truth and love and hope. Hope for a miracle from God. Running away won’t get you far. Nor will the false hope that nobody sees what you are doing! God always sees you. 

You may ask, "Can God help me, will he help me, will God give me  a miracle?" The answer is the same: "The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is proclaimed to the poor." (Matthew 11:5). You'll just have to trust God and follow Him and accept the help he gives you in whatever form it takes. God often puts people in your path as a conduit or pipeline of his blessings coming to you. 

It may take some time to get completely out of the storm you're in. May God save you from your storm.

A Song for you

A heart is a house for love.  And I learned that it don’t take too much to break up or to build it up. Try typing those words out on your computer once, maybe twice. Just by taking the effort to type them, those words may get their message through to you.  At least I hope so for yours and everybody else's sake.  Is there a heart in the house tonight?

I finally read and understood the words to this Dells song just today.  And the words cut me. I never before realized, just how deep their message is.  (A Heart is a House for Love - by The DELLS).  Although, I've heard this song many times before I missed it. It's very deep. I guess the rhythmic beat in the song used to carry me off somewhere and I never truly listened to it's content before now.

Anyway B and the rest of you too. This song's for YOU and for the (man) or (woman) that you married. So read the lyrics, they are written below. They're long but don't skip over anything and maybe you'll learn something. Something valuable, maybe even crucial about love.

A heart is a house for love
And I learned (I learned) that it don't take much to build it up. (Build it up.)
Build it up, build it up, build it up.
Ooh

Two wrongs don't make it right,
But too long was the night I kept you guessing.
It's all I can do, (All I can do.)
And hope that maybe you'll come around again.
Now I see that the wonder of devotion,
It doesn't, it doesn't come free.

A heart is a house for love
And I learned (I learned) that it don't take much to break.
A heart is a house for love
And I learned (I learned) that it don't take much to build it up.
Oh

Today I understand,
I'll pay the price to be all the man you need.
You know you got to be free.
(Go find your way.) Go find your way,
Find your way back to me.
Now I see (I see) that the wonder of devotion,
It doesn't, it doesn't come free.

A heart is a house for love
And I learned (I learned) that it don't take much to break.
A heart is a house for love
And I learned (I learned) that it don't take much to build it up. Build it up.
A heart is a house for love
And I learned, I learned, I learned (I learned) that it don't take much to break.
A heart is a house for love, hey, hey, hey.
I learned that it don't take much to build it up.
Build it up, build it up, build it up.
Oh, yeah.
Build it up, build it up, build it up (Mm)

Build it up together either near or far.
(Oh, oh, oh)
Build a house full of hearts to stand it all.
Is there a heart,
Is there a heart in your house tonight.
Stand up. (Stand up)
Stand up, let me know.
Let me know that you understand.
Is there a heart in your house tonight.
You got to have love (You got to have love.)
Love in your heart tonight.

Build it up together and then it won't fall.
Build it up.
Build a house full of hearts to withstand it all.
Two hearts are better than one.
Build it up together and then it won't fall.
Two hearts belong together.
Build a house full of hearts to withstand it all.
Build it up.
Is there a heart,
Is there a heart in your house tonight.
Stand up. (Stand up)
Stand up, let me know that you understand.
Better listen to me.
Love doesn't come free, you gotta build it up.
Is there a heart,
Is there a heart in your house tonight.
Stand up. (Stand up)
Is there a heart in your house tonight.
One love, our love, your love, somewhere, somebody.
Is there a heart,
Is there a heart in your house tonight.
Is there a heart in your house tonight.
Is there a heart in your house tonight.

Always, never out my mind.
You're always on my mind.
I love, love, love, love you all the time.
(Build it up, build it up, build it up.)
Oh, build it up. (A heart is a house for love.) Build it up.
Build it up, build it up.
Build it up. (A heart is a house for love.)
Let me know that you understand.
(Build it up, build it up, build it up.)
A heart is a house for love.

A Heart is a House for Love –The DELLS
(click for audio)

Why he died (of heartbreak)

He didn’t admit his part in causing the fiasco nor did he forgive the others involved.

He didn’t accept God’s forgiveness for himself that was freely given.

He struggled with self pity and failed to recognize when he was in it.

He didn’t use spiritual tools to 'cast out' the intrusive thoughts.

He was so depressed but never sought help from anyone.

It’s the same old story. But with a different meaning, now that it was he who was feeling the hurt.

The Clothes Dryer Stumble

Circa 1995 AD, four years sober.  They said in meetings; don’t make any big changes when you first get sober. But I was four years down the road so my wife and I bought a new house across town and moved in. Our old washer and dryer made the trip but they were so raggedy that I decided it was time to replace those too.  So I did that at Sears and they delivered a new washer and dryer to our new home and connected them.  Later that day when my wife came home and saw them she said, “Oh you got an electric dryer.” “So,” I said. "But I wanted a gas dryer; don’t you remember we talked about this once? Gas dryers are cheaper to run and they dry your clothes better.”  Right then was the point when I would have flown into a rage during the old days. By old days I mean four years earlier or even four weeks earlier.  But I held back, I had to.

I felt the rage building inside but instead of exploding I said okay; I’ll look into it. I didn’t fly off into a rage this time because of a little change that had occurred inside of me.  I don’t know if it was humility, or faith, or just a desperate desire to be sober that changed in me. But I am so grateful that I didn’t explode. I called Sears the very next morning and explained to them exactly what had happened. To my surprise Sears said, “No problem we can switch it out for you for just the price difference for a gas dryer.” As it  turned out there was only a $50 price difference so I quickly agreed to it.  The very next day Sears swooped in and changed out the electric dryer with a gas one and connected it up at my house.  I couldn’t believe that the solution was so simple.   I would have made the problem into a much bigger one, had I not been sober.  I would have gotten very angry and I would have stubbornly  forced her to keep that electric dryer. She in turn would have been frustrated and very unhappy with the electric dryer.  But yet, miraculously instead my wife was happy with her new gas dryer and I felt at peace. I really do prefer peace in my life, I have always wanted inner peace and this was one of the instances when I actually received it.

I shared this electric dryer story at the very next recovery meeting I attended and everybody had something to say about it. Everyone sharing seemed encouraged to know that this sobriety thing can actually work, against all odds. We all concluded that we must make a conscious effort to choose peace by resisting our natural tendency; to insist on having our own way. This was a turning point for me and a lesson I would do well to remember even today twenty years latter. This is true because I still have that same natural tendency to boil over and spoil everything instead of choosing peace. Hopefully we can all grow in this and enjoy peace in ever increasing measure.