Just So That You Know

• Just so that you know we are happy being empty nesters but we’re also glad we have children. 

• JSTYK after you turned twelve we didn’t get any dumber but hopefully you got smarter.
• JSTYK we were always cheesy but in a cool way.
• JSTYK your old rooms are no longer your old rooms, they are ours now.
• JSTYK we cried at your wedding because we were happy to hand you over to someone else’s care.
• JSTYK we want grand children NOW but we will try to be patient.
• JSTYK we have years of experience and will be happy to give advice sometimes without being asked.
• JSTYK we really do want you to stay in touch.
•  JSTYK we want you to visit us often.
• JSTYK bring the kids when you visit; but your pets you can leave at home.
• JSTYK we love you just as much today as when you were little.

The Passion of The Christ

 We trapped the bird Steven and I. A large white bird using bread as bait and a simple snare consisting of a box propped up by a stick on one side with a cord we could pull attached to the stick.  I was surprised and delighted that it worked.  The bird could have been a sea bird because of its size and pure white feathers.  We just did it for fun; we were going from one thing to the next that summer when I was fourteen.  The bird stayed quiet under there but we had it and we weren't going to let it go.  I don’t remember if it was planned or not but we had some gasoline in a glass and some matches.  Looking down at the scared bird through the box top we could see it was frightened.  Okay one of us was to poor the gas on it and the other light the match on the count of three.  One two three splash whoosh!  I can’t recall if it was I or Steven who poured or lit the match we were a very efficient team. 

As soon as the gas ignited we took the box off and the bird flapped around the yard burning and squawking loudly for at least two minutes then lay still. Its feathers black and charred and flesh burned ugly.  I can still remember the smell of its burning feathers an acrid dirty smell.  I was speechless for a while.  We quickly buried the bird to hide our shame because we both felt ashamed I think.  We split up then and each went to our own homes.  It was a horrible sight that poor bird bursting into flames and his suffering while being burned alive. It was the cruelest thing I have ever done and I never spoke of it again not even to Steven. We grew apart after that and never did things together again, did we stop being friends? I guess so.  Afraid to tell because someone would think there was something wrong with me, ashamed to tell. I saw on TV a man treated like that.  It was somewhere in India or Pakistan or somewhere like that.  A mob was jeering a man they claimed was guilty of breaking some law.  Someone threw a bucket of gas on him while someone else lit the flame.  He burst into flame and the crowd seemed fascinated, perhaps I looked that way for my crime.  I could not believe that I was seeing a man being burned alive. Just before he was burned he seemed so docile so helpless like my bird then he was made to suffer.  God I hope those men in the crowd understood later the evil that they had done. It was a real documentary not a movie stunt.  I was forty something when I saw this.  I have also seen and read accounts of tribal genocide in Africa with people getting their hands and feet hacked off and left to die slowly; more inhumanity. Now at fifty years old I saw the movie The Passion of The Christ.  Jesus suffering at the hands of a mob and soldiers.  The beatings that wouldn't stop, the nails the scorn and the cruelty.  When I killed that bird I was like them.  Sure it wasn't a human being that I killed but what does that excuse?  I am a human being and I should have had compassion. Why did God let his son die on a cross at the hands of evil men like me? Sometimes I think it was out of compassion for us that he died; but what about Jesus where was the compassion for him? Why was his cruel death the only way? I cant understand it.  For so long I have never asked God to forgive me for killing that bird so cruelly.  I am asking him now.

The Most Essential Camping Tool

The most important tool you need for camping is not what you think it is.  It’s a no brainer that you need matches and a can opener.  Some other things that are just as much a given are blankets, mosquito spray and flashlights. As a family we used to go camping in Texas State Parks; we must have camped in fifteen or more different ones around the state. I know what you're thinking, you think its toilet paper right? But no, it’s not even that genius.

Okay here's a hint, I mentioned it was a tool. No, not a hammer or an ax, we didn't build log cabins while camping out in the woods. We stayed in tents and occasionally in cabins that we didn't build. Give up?  Alright, I’ll tell you the secret.  It’s a broom! A simple broom with a long handle and a sweeper at one end; that could be made with plastic bristles or straw ones. It’s just so useful for campers to have a broom.  After you get the tent set up, unload the minivan and get settled in your campsite; you are going to need to sweep off the picnic table and the benches that most state parks provide. Trust me you will need to do that. The next morning after coffee, you will also need to sweep off the outside of your tent due to environmental factors. Following that, you will also want to sweep out the inside of your tent due to people factors, your kids dropping food and candy crumbs all over the inside.

Your broom is also a stick; which makes it a basic weapon.  You've seen people walking around carrying dog sticks right? They're for warding off dogs that bother you; that’s why they call them dog sticks.  In theory, if you should encounter a bear or a mountain lion, you can grab your trusty broom to ward it off. He’ll probably slap that thing right out of your hand and mull you anyway, but it feels good having something in your hand – right up to the time he takes it away from you. What you do in that situation is not the subject of this post; but running away is always an option.

WAR OF THE WORDS

An example of a classic non-apology will follow. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. The background story is that I played a hoax on one of my sisters; I shall call her Bernice. I sent her a fake letter saying that I was down and out, on the streets and eating out of garbage dumpsters. I didn't keep a copy of the letter; but at the time I sent it to my sister I had just seen her less than sixty days prior and everything was fine then.  Why she even fell for my hoax is a little perplexing; all she had to do was to call my house. Instead, she freaked out and called everyone else in a total panic. Later after she found out that she had been duped she was furious. What follows is my apology letter; purely for illustration purposes about non-apologies. I have grown since then and have never pulled off a prank like that one again. Neither did Orson; you’ll see what I mean by that latter.

Dear Bernice:

I sincerely apologize to you for mailing you what I call “The Shoe-less Joe letter." It was in fact a hoax and a poor attempt at humor. It was all fiction just like Orson Well’s famous (infamous) invasion from Mars radio broadcast. I really want you to know that I didn't intend any harm, only humor. Like Orson, I apparently did too convincing of a job and you believed all of it! Right down to the phony, slightly burned, greasy, soiled and wrinkled paper that I wrote it on. I now recall that there were accidents and injuries that resulted as people attempted to flee from imaginary Martian invaders back in the nineteen thirties. I really didn't anticipate that you would actually believe this fiction that I wrote. I envisioned that you would immediately call me up on the phone and that I would answer the phone safe and sound and very amused.

I doubt that Orson intended any harm either but nevertheless, his shortsightedness is now legendary. I want you to know that Sasha (my wife) also became pretty upset with me about my hoax and that we wound up having an argument. But she has now forgiven me for my lack of sensitivity and for my outright stupidity. I am truly sorry Bernice, please forgive me for frightening you.

Love,

Stupid (me)

Acts of God

Why do they call storms acts of God, aren't beautiful days just as much acts of God as stormy days?  Since beautiful days far outnumber stormy days doesn't that show us that God’s acts are overwhelmingly in our best interests? Do storms have a cleansing purpose? When you see your next dawn or sunset or starry night or anything beautiful, just say; behold an act of God. Thank you father God for your gift. It's nice to be reminded by nature every day that you are so near and so generous.

Getting up on the wrong side of the bed.

Okay for some reason today you are feeling and acting grumpy. You know it, you can feel it right?  It’s like having an allergy but instead of wetly sneezing you speak out or act out your irritation on the next nearest person. You frown you grunt and you say something unkind like “why do you always leave hair in the sink.”  Or “make your own coffee today! I’m tired of being the servant around here.” Being grumpy is not necessarily your fault, maybe you slept badly or you have pain or an allergy or very likely something else is bothering you but, it is not the other person’s problem it is yours. To get out of your misery visualize starting your day over.  You get up on the right side of the bed, you reboot, you stop and re-start your day but this time you will look for something kind to say.  This time you serve the other person without resentment for their benefit not yours. Immediately you will feel better yourself.  You will feel like you are in control and can choose the be the kind of person you want to be.