Another Washing of the Spears

Dear Texters (Mobil sapiens):

Not long ago the most annoying buzz word was email. All too often I would hear: email me, did you get my email and was often derisively asked, who doesn’t have an email address? So, bowing to immense pressure I got an  email address but that wasn't good enough for you was it. Now the buzz word is texting. It’s text me this, text me that and blah, blah, blah, didn't you get my text? I look on my phone minding my own business and see unsolicited texts waiting there for me. When I call someone on the phone they'll  helpfully suggest, “why don’t you just text me?” Others will sneer at me and say, “I rarely check my emails, try texting me and maybe next time you'll get a response.”   Well I don’t have to take this. After today, I am going to find my wood fiber paper, my quill pen and then sit at my desk and write you Texters a letter. Yes! Then I will have my servant lick the envelopes and fetch my signet ring so I can place my wax seal on the envelopes. Then by motor driven carriage, I will carry my letters to the post office. Once there I will instruct the postal clerk to mail these things by the slowest method possible. Then, hopefully via a slow boat to China you will receive my letters in six months or so. Yet, I know what you Texters really want. You want to continually text me to death. So if that is the way it is, I will fight back. I must fight back.

Call to Arms!!!!!

Neanderthals of the world unite! Never again shall we be driven out! Our fight now is not against oppression and tyranny; we must fight for our very right to survive. We will not give up without a fight. We will not go silently into the night as before. We declare that today is our Independence Day! My fellow low brows meet me tonight at Pride Rock. We will shout and whack our spears together. Then we will go out and do what we do best. We will hunt the evil Texters down. All of them must pay. Then we will gather together in victory to celebrate –a washing of the spears and a smashing of the smart phones.