‘Your BETTER Half’

‘Where is your BETTER half?’

I never liked the expression ‘where is your better half’ when someone asks about my spouse or even when the comment is used in reference to another couple. I know that the phrase is usually used in jest but it grates on me nevertheless.  It feels like a put down maybe because I have insecurities like most people do.  What if I said to someone; ‘where is your better half’ while referring to their brother or sister or their business partner? Would they be amused? More likely they would feel hurt and in some cases might even hate me for saying it. 

Yes, this phrase ‘where is your better half,’ is used most often in the marriage context. It probably springs from the common but ‘true’ belief that a married couple consists of two halves unified into one, as the bible says. Look in Ephesians 6:31 where it says: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery…” Therefore, why would anyone ask a spouse, ‘where is your better half’ when in marriage there are no two halves but a unified whole? Wouldn't you be suggesting that there is inequality or dysfunction in someone's marriage? At the very least you could be insulting the spouse you said this to. People shouldn't be so sensitive, right? Well unfortunately people are as sensitive as you are. Instead of making that unfortunate comment, it would be much kinder to simply ask where is or how is so-and-so doing and to just leave it at that. 

    

Jamais Déjà vu

An odd thing about Déjà vu is that you can never prove something really did happen before. Yes, you can be almost certain that you have seen, heard, or been in a place before, but try to prove it –it's impossible. It would be weird if you could prove it.  There is another odd perception known as 'Jamais vu,' that the French say means, never seen. 'Jamais vu' occurs when you know the something that you just can’t remember like your wedding anniversary date. Have you ever found yourself struggling to remember that actor's name that you like, was it Denzel? No! Maybe it was Brad something? No, not that either. After straining your brain to remember it seems hopeless so you give up. Afterwards you look it up or the memory just comes back to you in a flash and you want to kick yourself. You are puzzled and wonder why in the world you  couldn't remember it when you needed to?  That's because you just experienced, Jamais vu.

Sometimes, I think there's a third category of perception that may apply; let’s call it ‘Jamais déjà vu.’ This occurs when, "it was right on the tip of your tongue, but you forgot to say the words, I love you." This happens all the time but in order to gain a clearer understanding of this phenomenon, check out the song Right on the Tip of My Tongue (click on it), by Brenda and the Tabulations. Has this ever happened to you? Better to say it, if you mean it.

Dropping a Dime (Modern day Crime Busting)

How are you going to drop a dime on some scum bag when there aren't any more public pay phones. Used to be you could rat somebody out to the police with a quick anonymous and therefore completely safe phone call from a pay phone. They used to be conveniently located at gas stations, airports, hospitals and at lonely truck stops on the highway. Now you can’t even find a pay phone anywhere you look.  Don’t bother to make that call on your cell phone, it’s probably traceable in about nineteen different ways and somebody will always know it was you. Okay, you can buy a Prepaid Phone with a phone number that’s not registered in your real name; that could work -hurry while supplies last. They are very popular with some people.  One big drawback with a prepaid phone is that you’ll have to destroy it like they do in the movies, after just one call to the cops. Can you afford to do that?  

I wonder how many crimes are going unreported now that we can no longer drop a dime on a crook anonymously and safely. Well if you’re desperate enough and have transportation you can search your city, you might get lucky. I found the one pictured in the photo at a lonely truck stop outside of Houston. Too bad it doesn't have a handset attached.

Don't just man up, God Up!

Okay I've heard the expression going around to, “Man up!” It’s similar to cowboy up, buck up, straighten up and the ever popular get yourself together man. The last time I heard the expression was on TV last week when a disgraced politician used it while apologizing for his wrongdoings.  But this post is not about public figures it’s about you and I. I suppose the expression to man up does mean to own up to one’s mistakes or to take some responsibility, but I suspect what it really means is; I’m sorry I got caught man, my bad. But to God up means more than just making a mere apology.  It means going to God and asking him to help you identify the exact nature of your wrongs. Then maybe you can admit to yourself and to others that you are a corrupt individual.  You tell God sorrowfully and brokenly that you want to change and really mean it; He knows it when you really don’t. Then going further you take some active steps to make amends to those you have harmed. For instance, by returning what was taken and by fixing what you broke to the best of your ability. Now do you see the difference between a man up and a God up? The latter is a spiritual act not just a human one and it calls for true repentance. It takes wisdom and courage to God up but it only takes false humility to man up.

Always Expect a Train! (when you engage in risky behavior)

There is a saying used by a railroad that says, “Always expect a train!” Trains don’t come after us or go looking for us to flatten us; usually we just get in their way. When we are on the tracks the train will do what a train does and barrel right over and through you and kill you. There are circumstances in life that are like that.  When we get into some risky behaviors, get addicted to drugs, alcohol, money, sex you name it; we are putting ourselves right onto the train tracks of life.  I won’t say something may happen to you when you least expect it. Instead I'll say the expected will happen because you should always expect a train!  If you haven't been hit by a train yet, you will be. Just as long as you are doing the wrong things and are playing in the wrong places.

Reconciling Love in Marriage

You hurt your spouse deeply by (________________) fill in the blank or you hurt each other. Is this the end of the marriage or is there hope? Yes, there is hope because God can fix it if you are humble enough and honest enough. The first step is to stop the behavior. The next step is to face reality and honestly admit to yourself and to God your part in whatever hurting thing that took place. After this breakthrough you will need to have strong faith because now you must forgive your spouse's part in whatever happened between you.  

You must say the words, "I forgive you!" Then begin treating him or her as if they had never sinned against you. I’m not talking about being in denial nor about simply forgetting what happened. I’m talking about what I call active forgiveness. The making of a firm decision to treat your spouse as innocent of wrongdoing, the granting of a full pardon to your spouse. Keep repeating this active form of forgiveness every day until the hurt you feel is gone from your hearts. This could take awhile, but don’t quit  just minutes before this miracle happens for you.

Part of the healing process you’ll experience is the softening of your hearts which allows the stirrings of love to begin again or should I say to begin anew. This will be a beautiful and a divine thing. Then you will experience and understand what God means in  
1 Peter 4:8  where he says, “Love covers over a multitude of sins." 

Finally, learn to love God’s way as in 1 Corinthians 13:1-8. In this passage God gives us an amazing blueprint for how to love your spouse. Own this passage of the bible. Substitute your name in all of the place where the words, 'love' and 'it' appear then imitate those actions. 

It is my hope and my prayer that God will bless your marriage with the incredible reconciliation that he has blessed mine with. God went a step further than to just restore our relationship. He gave us an even better relationship and a greater love than we had before. For these gifts, we will forever be grateful. 

Training Yourself (To Be A Godly Man)

I was asked to do a short talk sharing with some men in our church on a scripture pertaining to training yourself to be godly.  In 1^st Timothy 4:7-8 the bible states, “For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.”

I had to ponder for several minutes about what to say to them. Obviously going to church, listening carefully to the message, taking notes and reading the bible are all training but I wanted to share what really helped to train me. To prepare for sharing, I started off with reading the scripture quoted above then I started to read other scriptures that mention the word godliness. As I was reading I began to feel stuck so I did something I should have done in the first place which was to pray. After looking up from my prayer my eyes fell upon my journals sitting on my bookshelf.   I picked one up to see if I had previously written anything down about training myself to be godly when suddenly it hit me.  For me the very act of writing in my journals was how I trained myself to be godly.  I have filed up three journals and I am currently working on my fourth. In my journals I write down my personal thoughts about things that are troubling me or inspiring me and I write down inspiring scriptures.   In my journals, I also admit to myself and to God what my part was in starting a conflict, and then I go ahead and forgive the other person’s role in the conflict. I also write down what emotions I am feeling and then write down some conclusions about why I feel those emotions.  It gets better; next I will write down exactly what I need to do to repent and how I’m going to make amends for my own wrong behavior. In conclusion when I speak to the men tonight; I plan to share with them that journaling was how I trained myself to be a godly man and that I still write in my journal today.