Dear Eoples:
Not long ago the most annoying buzz word was Fax. All too
often I would hear: Fax me, did you get my fax, just the fax mam and what’s your
fax number? You do have a fax don’t you? So bowing to immense pressure I got a
fax machine but that wasn't good enough was it. Now it’s e-mail this, e-mail
that and blah, blah, blah, did you get my e-mail. I turn on my computer minding
my own business and e-mail is waiting for me. I call someone on the phone and
they helpfully suggest, “why don’t you just e-mail me?” Others will sneer at me
and say “here's my web site, what’s yours?” Well I don’t have to take this.
After today, I am going to get some wood fiber paper, a quill pen and sit at my
desk and write you Eoples. Yes! Then I will have my servant lick the envelopes
and fetch my signet ring so I can place my wax seal on the envelopes. Then by
motor driven carriage I will carry the letters to the post office. I will
instruct the postal clerk to mail these things by the slowest method possible.
Then, hopefully via a slow boat to China you will receive my letters in six
months or so. Yet I know what you Eoples really want. You want to continue to
e-mail me to death. So if that is the way it is, I will fight back.
Call to Arms!!!!!
Neanderthals of the world unite! Never again shall we be
driven out! Our fight now is not against oppression and tyranny; we must fight
for our very right to survive. We will not give up without a fight. We will not
go silently into the night as before. We declare that today is our independence
day! My fellow low brows meet me tonight at Pride Rock. We will shout and whack
our spears together. Then we will go out to do what we do best. We will hunt
the evil Eoples down. All of them must pay. Then we will gather together in
victory to celebrate –a washing of the spears.
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